I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
