she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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