My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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