Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
