put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
