M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
