You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
