Me too!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
