No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
