FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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