fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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