I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
