Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
