Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
