Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
