We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize