office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
