I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dignity is for republicans.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
