Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
