ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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