from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
