do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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