how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
