Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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