Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
