All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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