wanna go halves on a baby?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
