i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
