I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
