he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
