dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my being single is dangerous.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
