I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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