i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
