While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
