I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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