so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
