I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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