So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
