i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
