i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
