I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize