I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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