i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
