oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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