I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
