Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
