don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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