I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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