I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
