its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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