Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
