My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
