dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
