You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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