who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
