Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
