What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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