She said her name was "party"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
