It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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