Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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