Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
