And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
