i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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