No period for spring break; use this wisely.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
