I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize