Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
