alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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