im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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