No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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