Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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