i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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