It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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