fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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