ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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