Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
