Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
