i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
