first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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