I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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