My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
